dirty little secret

Since having a baby almost seven months ago (where has the time gone?!), I've come to learn of a few small details of early motherhood that no one really talks about. Or, shall I say warns you about. Like breastfeeding. Why won't people level with you about what it's really like in the beginning? I mean, I had countless people ask me if I planned to nurse my baby, but that was pretty much the end of the conversation. And most of the people in the hospital make you feel like a bad mother if you say you are even considering not nursing your baby, but do they prepare you for what you can expect for those first miserable weeks? No. Ok, so maybe it is an awkward topic of conversation, but c'mon, if your girlfriends won't tell you about it, who will?

Ok, enough about that--the dirty secret that is really plaguing me at this point is the massive amounts of hair that I am currently losing! I remember one person telling me about losing hair after you have a baby. This was right after Reese was born, and at the time it hadn't started...so, like an idiot I thought, "Oh, goodie, maybe I am one of the lucky ones and this won't happen to me!" Ha! At exactly three months postpartum, it started. At first I thought, "oh, ok, so this is what she was talking about." Four months later, I want to cry every time I wash my hair, brush my hair, even touch my hair. Ok, so maybe that is a little dramatic...or maybe I really am losing more hair than the average person. I've been taking Biotin like candy, but it hasn't helped. I try not to complain about it too much, (because, really, what are people going to respond? "you're right, your hair really is thinning!" I don't think so.) but I really do feel like I am going to be bald at the end of this. In fact, I am about ready to get pregnant again just so my hair will stop falling out! Desperate times call for desperate measures.

I got my hair cut last week and while my stylist was combing my wet hair, and could see the gobs of hair that were falling out, she was even surprised! Should that make me feel better that I was not just being a baby about my hair loss? Or worse, that it is actually way more than normal? I choose to feel better. She recommended some hard core pills that she said would help. Not that I don't trust her, because I completely do--but at this point, I am willing to do whatever it takes to keep the few hairs I have left in my head! Here's to hoping that these little pills will save me.
(Note: sorry for the ranting. I try to tell myself that it could always be worse. and I'm not writing this so you will post a comment about what great hair I have and how you can hardly even tell that my ponytail is a fraction of the size it used to be...if you do, I know you are lying...but for the journal-keeping sake of this blog, I felt the need to say it once and be done with it.)